Superficiality crisis

They told me I have too much time to think when I opened up about my thoughts lately. Last week I had a burning urge to join others to party on Saturday, but then I started to think. Why? What are my expectations of going out? Having fun with friends, dancing and meeting people, seeing new places and usually also drinking. And not only one or two but like there was no tomorrow. And yes the tomorrow always waited for me with long day at work. What's the point of drinking, I started to wonder. I don't mind if someone is drinking a lot or not, but why did I? I could handle the work easily if I was tired if I had had a great night, but not 100% so well if I was hangover.

Why to dress up when going out? You tell yourself to be natural, but still i feel sometimes so fake. What is me, what am I? How important are clothes, make up or shoes? How much more depends on how you feel, think and talk? Why is it always so difficult to be yourself in front of a people you really like but don't know yet, and still so easy to be pure you with people you care but are not interested in?

After last Saturday when I finally decided to go out, I also end up drinking. Next day I was a bit tired, I had had fun, and the day at work was great, but still I made up my mind. I try to have now a total paus of drinking alcohol. Three weeks is not maybe a long time, but I won't touch rose or beer or anything else before my holiday in Finland. I will consider then again how to continue.

Not to drink, it actually gives a lot of new opportunities. For example for the day off next day. You actually have energy to do really something and not just lay on the beach or in worst case home in dark room because you are just not able to move.

I have got a lot of motivation for running now. I bought running shorts and I try to start running at least every other day. Because it gives me a good feeling. And now I will concentrate to all things that gives me good feeling and pleasure. I try to be not so bitter but concentrate on positive things. I have been feeling a bit bitter lately. Time to change. Because it gives a good feeling.

What's the next step? Honestly I don't know yet. Let the early rhodesian september wind bring me the answer. But no hurry, I have time.